Why Can We Be Married?


I feel like Lu and I are hitting our stride on all things wedding related and I couldn’t feel better about it.  We have just finished the last of our meetings with some amazing rabbis, we have our tasting with Diverse Catering next week, and we have decided that I will be wearing a tux.  Check. Check. And Check.

Oh happy day!

There has been something that has come up many times in our rabbi meetings that I have just been itching to call attention to.

Lu and I decided a few years ago that we would not be married until ALL of our friends could be married.  It was a conscious decision to wait until all was fair in the world and equal opportunity existed.  Well.  Fast forward to the “age of Raiden” and we find ourselves more willing to make a legal commitment to each other.  The truth is that we don’t want to pass on the benefits that are available for married couples, especially where the little dude is involved.  So instead of feeling guilty about it, we are just going to except the fact that we are hetero-sexual-enough to be legally married.  And do it.

So why, may I ask, may we be married?

The reality is that I don’t have the answer.  I mean.  We are two people who have built our lives together.  Started a family.  Have a few pets.  We have fun, we laugh, we cry.  We live together as life partners, for better—for worse.  Ready for every up and down that a relationship might bring.  We are the perfect gay couple—we just happen to not be gay.  We are so non-gay in fact that our relationship can be made legally binding.  What a world!

This twisted idea that a state sanctioned legitimacy of a relationship has anything to do with sexual orientation is just nutty.  Nutty I say.  My heart sank when California voted yes on Prop 8 and I will continue to push for equality when it comes to a person’s right to make their own decisions.  If a couple wants to marry they should be able to do so no matter how they are born or how they identify.

This is just some food for thought.

So we have decided that we will make this a part of our ceremony.  We will pour out a few drops of wine to symbolize the loss that we feel for those who cannot be married.  We all need to speak up and eventually,  hopefully sooner, rather than later, but eventually–we will be heard.


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