Christian Parents, Jewish Kids

By Selma Williams

Originally published in the Jewish Journal Boston North with the title, "Christian Dad Gives his Children a Vibrant Jewish Upbringing." Reprinted by permission.

May 1--While his kids were growing up, Steve Boudreault and his wife, Emily, regularly attended Friday evening services at Temple Beth Shalom in Peabody, Mass. They both taught in the temple's religious school. On their refrigerator, they had a "quote board" on which they kept a frequently changing quote to inspire, amuse or motivate the family members.

"Many of those quotes were things that were said in the synagogue," Boudreault recalled.

On weekends, Boudreault could be found among the temple members pounding nails in a volunteer work group replacing shingles on the temple roof; and he and Emily found much of their social life in the company of their fellow temple members.

Ofira Oriel MandalaWhat is unusual, and surprising, is that neither Boudreault nor his wife is Jewish. Although now unaffiliated, he was brought up in a Roman Catholic family, and Emily is an Episcopalian. So why are their lives so involved in the Jewish community? Therein lies the story.

Steve's first wife is Jewish, and when they were married, they agreed to bring their children up in the Jewish faith.

"Fundamentally, even though the religions have different names," Boudreault said, "the morals and the ethics and the values are the same. The roots of Christianity are Judaism, so starting (our children) off with that culture seemed to me a perfectly natural thing to do."

That marriage did not last. When his ex-wife moved out, Boudreault retained custody of their children, Amanda and Noah, then 8 and 10 years old. He decided that he would do everything he could to continue their Jewish education and to provide them with a Jewish home life as well.

"Even after the divorce, Temple Beth Shalom was very supportive of what I was trying to do," Boudreault said. "I stayed with the religion, made a lot of friends, and had a lot of support to do the things I couldn't do."

Amanda and Noah were already attending religious school and Hebrew classes by then. With guidance from the rabbi and his Protestant grandmother, he focused on raising them Jewish.

"I think people have a lot more in common than differences, and it is very easy to focus on the differences and miss the big picture," he said.

Boudreault began teaching a seventh grade class in the Beth Shalom religious school. To prepare for teaching the 12- and 13-year-olds in his class, he learned about Judaism online, in classes, from books, from friends, and from the rabbi. And he visited his grandmother every Monday and went over his lessons with her.

When he began dating Emily, she accompanied him to Friday evening services, where the children sang in the chorus.

"She found (the temple) very accepting and meaningful," Boudreault said. She felt that the rabbi's sermons seemed tailor-made for concerns in her own life. Before long, she, too, was teaching in the temple school. The two were married in a civil ceremony, but the following Friday, after services, the temple congregation danced and sang with them in a circle to celebrate their marriage.

Once, in Boudreault's religious school class, he pronounced "Pesach" wrong, and one of the pupils corrected him, then asked, "What? Aren't you Jewish?" The answer was "No" and the kids in the class were amazed and curious to know how he came to be their teacher. Boudreault explained to them that he thinks Judaism is a great religion. "So much is to be learned from it," he told them, and added that he hoped they could also learn something from him.

Noah and Amanda became bar and bat mitzvah at Temple Beth Shalom (with Boudreault's parents joining them on the bima), and continued through confirmation there. When the family took a road trip across the country, they called it "Hebrew Across America," with the family practicing Hebrew lessons.

Boudreault has not converted to Judaism.

"I am closer to Judaism than I am to Christianity. It is a way of life; it is not about fire and damnation," he said. But still, he feels that he grew up in a different environment, which remains a part of him. So he does not feel that he can identify himself as exclusively Jewish.

Still, a Jewish way of living and thinking looms large in his life. He joins other temple members to volunteer for Meals on Wheels at Christmas and Easter to allow Christian volunteers to enjoy their holidays. He still has "a great fondness" for Temple Beth Shalom and remains a member there, even though his children are now grown and living on their own. He no longer attends services regularly, but many practices are still part of his life. On Yom Kippur this year, he and Amanda fasted together. And when his daughter moved to her first apartment, Boudreault and Emily bought her a mezuzah for her doorpost only to find that Amanda had already bought one herself. When Emily's mother died recently, she and Boudreault sat shiva and took comfort from visits from their many Jewish friends.

Passover is always celebrated with a family seder. And one of Boudreault's greatest wishes is for his children to go to Israel.

So, while retaining his own spiritual identity, Boudreault has incorporated a large measure of Jewish culture, custom and community into his life.

"At the end of the day, we all have the same values. We all want to have a happy family life and live responsibly in our community," he said. He has honored his children's Jewish heritage by emphasizing in his own life and in theirs that which unites them with the Jewish community.

Selma Williams is the retired editor-in-chief of Community Newspaper Company's North Division and serves on the board of the Jewish Journal North of Boston. For the last 14 years, she has worked training journalists in Ukraine and other post-Soviet countries. She was a happy partner in an interfaith marriage until her husband's death in 1999.
In modern Jewish practice, Jewish girls come of age at 12 or 13. When a girl comes of age, she is officially a Bat Mitzvah (\'daughter of the commandments\'). The term is commonly used as a short-hand for the Bat Mitzvah\'s coming-of-age ceremony and/or celebration. The male equivalent is "Bar Mitzvah." The raised platform in front of the sanctuary which holds the ark in which the Torah is kept. Coming-of-age ritual when Jewish children turn 16 or 18. People who attend and worship at a given synagogue. The language of Judaism. Used in prayer in most synagogues and the official language of the state of Israel. Also refers to Jews, especially before they entered Israel and were given the Torah, as in "the ancient Hebrews." Small box and scroll with the Hebrew text of the Shema prayer, affixed to the doorposts of Jewish homes. Strictly speaking, mezuzah only refers to the scroll itself. The spring holiday commemorating the exodus of the Jews from Egypt. Hebrew for Passover, the spring holiday commemorating the exodus of the Jews from Egypt. Spiritual leader and teacher. Typically, but not always, leads a congregation. "Order" in Hebrew. Refers to the traditional course of events, or service, surrounding the Passover and Tu B'Shevat meals. The seven days of mourning following the funeral of a family member. Place of Jewish worship, referring to both the room where it occurs and the building where it occurs. Colloquially referred to as "temple." Place of Jewish worship. Same as synagogue. The Jewish Day of Atonement, the final day of the ten Days of Awe that begin with Rosh Hashanah. Occurs during the fall and marked by a 24-hour fast. One of the most important Jewish holidays.